Reader Note: This article is the final piece in a 3-part series on Listening Levels, a framework for Chiefs of Staff to lead more effectively by listening deeply, adapted from Oscar Trimboli’s work. Check out his book, How to Listen.

This past weekend, I walked to the farmers market like I always do. I stopped by to say hello to Victor, he’s my nut guy. That’s what I call him (to his face). We’ve known each other for over a year now. I see him every Saturday, we chat for a few minutes and I buy my usual. It’s routine.

But this time was different.

As soon as I saw his face, I knew something was different. He had a look that was part distracted and part heavy, like his mind was elsewhere. So I slowed down. Instead of speeding through my usual hello, I asked a few soft questions and let the silence fill the space.

What came next wasn’t planned.

He started talking about an old love, someone he still keeps tabs on through her mother. Someone he’s clearly not over. It spilled out slowly, unevenly. He wasn’t looking for advice. He wasn’t even really talking to me. He was talking through me. Using me as a prompt to hear his own thoughts out loud.

I had to catch myself as he was sharing. My instinct was to jump in, ask a clarifying question and offer a tidy solution. Which I did then immediately backed off. I said less. I nodded gently. I let the pauses breathe.

That moment was unexpected, human and honest. That is what Level 3 listening feels like.

It’s not about hearing what’s said. It’s about being present enough to catch what isn’t.

Level 3 listening is where you stop listening to the words and start listening for the person. The shift is subtle but huge.

At this level, you’re not trying to gather information or formulate a response. You’re helping the speaker explore their own thinking, sometimes even helping them say something they didn’t know they needed to say.

This blew my mind:

That’s it friends. Listening at Level 3 is simply the gap between what we say and what we’re thinking.

It’s where people stumble. Where they try to express something meaningful and fall short. Not because they’re unclear or bad communicators, but because their brain is moving faster than their mouth.

That’s why Level 3 isn’t about understanding the message. It’s about helping the speaker find the message.

Great listeners (and especially great podcasters, I’ve noticed) create the conditions for clarity. They stop solving or suggesting and instead hold space for the real thought to emerge. If you’re only listening to the words, you’re missing the signal. Because it often comes wrapped in hesitation, emotion and contradiction.

That’s why watching for the unsaid and the meaning behind it is essential.

In Level 3 we listen for the unsaid, and the unsaid lives in the pause.

It’s revealed through presence, not by crafting the perfect follow-up. This is why understanding levels 1 & 2 (particularly level 1) matter so much. You can’t access Level 3 unless you’ve already quieted your own internal noise.

When someone pauses mid-thought, most of us rush to fill the silence. We offer reassurance, clarify our understanding or reframe the point. We don’t even realize we’re trying to move things along.

At Level 3, your urge to speak is no longer a prompt. It’s a signal to stay quiet.

Silence isn’t a void or dead air. It’s part of the conversation. Most importantly, silence is where the real insight is about to break through.