We spend the first 20 years of our lives being graded on how well we work alone. Then we enter the workforce and realize: it’s one long group project.

The irony? We’re never really taught how to work well with others.

There’s no “Teamwork 101” in school. No “How Not to Let Your Team Down” seminar. Just a bunch of smart, ambitious people thrown together and expected to figure it out.

I recently read Patrick Lencioni’s The Ideal Team Player (in one sitting) and was immediately hooked by its obvious simplicity. He distills what makes someone effective on a team into three qualities: humble, hungry and smart.

He calls them virtues. I’d go further.

I’ve come to believe that humble, hungry and smart matter more than any line on a resume, maybe with the exception of what you’ve actually built or led. Credentials can open doors. Virtues are what keep you in the room.

And yet, most companies still haven’t caught up. Their job descriptions are typically optimized for credentials over character, prestige over posture, pedigree over people.

If you believe, like I do, that organizational health matters more than organizational intelligence, then it’s clear:

A few years ago at my company we were working with a client on a custom installation with a very specific and important deadline. The team sourced the fabricator, submitted the drawings and managed the timeline. Everything seemed on track.

Then, just weeks before the install date we got the final sample.

It was all wrong.

Not even close to what our drawings specified.

We rejected it, knowing full well it meant we’d miss the deadline. Then the new version hit another delay, putting us a full month behind schedule. Now the client wasn’t just frustrated, they were livid.

But what made it worse wasn’t just the delay, it was the team’s response.

Our project manager communicated the facts, careful to lay the blame on the vendor which technically, wasn’t wrong. But she never acknowledged the client’s frustration. She never said, “I’m so sorry this is happening.”

And that mattered. Because even if it wasn’t her fault, it was still our responsibility.

I pulled her aside and explained why empathy, especially in moments like this, is part of being a real team player. Sometimes that means saying sorry even when it’s not your fault. Not because you’re taking the blame, but because you care enough to share the weight of someone else’s disappointment.

At first, she didn’t get it. She pushed back. So I helped her craft the email with a simple line: “I’m so sorry this experience has been frustrating. We care deeply about getting this right.”

The client’s tone changed immediately.

That moment shifted how I talked about what it meant to be part of our team. Technical skill wasn’t enough. We needed people who were emotionally aware, team-first and willing to put the client ahead of their ego.

At the time, I didn’t have a name for what was missing. It was just a feeling. But now I know. We weren’t short on talent. We were short on virtues.

And like Lencioni describes, missing even one—humble, hungry or smart—creates dysfunction.

Here’s how I think about the three.

As C.S. Lewis says “It’s not thinking less of yourself, it’s thinking about yourself less”. Humility isn’t about being quiet or shy, in fact that’s the opposite of humble. It’s about being genuinely more interested in others than yourself. Humble people put the team ahead of their own ego. They don’t need the spotlight. They don’t posture. They show up to serve, not be seen.

This one’s simple. It’s the drive to do more than expected. Hungry people don’t clock-watch or wait to be told what to do. They’re proactive, self-motivated, anticipate and always look for how to help. And in my experience this trait has to be built early. It’s hard to teach later in life. If you’re a parent, start now. Homework should be celebrated.

I’m not talking about book smart. I’m talking about people smart. Emotional intelligence. Common sense. An awareness of how your words and actions affect those around you. Smart team players know how to read a room, pick up on tension and communicate without collateral damage. The good news? This one can be developed.

Lencioni is clear about this: it’s not enough to have one or two of the virtues. You need all three. Miss even one, and you introduce real risk to the team dynamic.

Here’s what that looks like in practice:

They mean well. They work hard. They’re easy to like. But they lack self-awareness. They say the wrong thing in meetings. They overwhelm people without realizing it. They confuse, miscommunicate or step on toes. Never out of malice, but because they can’t read the room. You find yourself constantly saying, “He’s a great guy, he just doesn’t realize how he comes across.” Good intentions aren’t enough when they leave a trail of confusion behind them.

They’re pleasant. They’re thoughtful. Everyone enjoys having them around. But they don’t pull their weight. They do the minimum required and always seem to have something else going on when the team needs extra hands. You find yourself making excuses for them, or picking up the slack because it’s easier than reminding them (again). They’re passionate about everything except the work. They coast. And over time the rest of the team resents it.

This is the most dangerous combination. They work hard. They’re socially intelligent. They say all the right things to all the right people. But it’s all about them. They manipulate perception, manage up beautifully and often climb fast. But they lack humility and that makes them self-serving, transactional and ultimately toxic. They’re hard to spot at first but even harder to confront because they look like ideal team players. But behind the scenes, they leave wreckage.

If you've ever led a team, you've likely met all three.

And if you’ve ever tried to fix a dysfunctional culture without naming these gaps, you know how exhausting it can be.

Chances are, you read those virtues and immediately thought of someone else on your team. I did too.

But this framework isn’t about labeling others or pointing fingers. It’s about helping your team get better and that can only start by looking in the mirror.

I began by ranking the three virtues for myself:Which one is my strongest? Which one’s my weakest? Whichever lands third is where you’ve got room to grow.

Here’s how it shakes out for me:

I can be blunt, sometimes harsh, mostly because I’m a Sagittarius (not my fault, obviously). But seriously, being people-smart takes effort for me. I’ve had to work on how I communicate, how I listen and how I land with others.

I encourage you to do the same with your team. Share your rankings. Talk through why. Ask each other where you can improve. If you’re on a great team, they’ll hold you lovingly accountable.

And the best part? People who want to improve usually do.

The others? Even better news! They’ll eventually opt out because being part of a values-driven team requires a level of self awareness that’s hard to fake for long.

Teams don’t fail because of a lack of talent. They fail because of a lack of humility, hunger or people smarts.